Debate on men and women

23^rd October 2006

From the Desk of Raghunandan Jagdish aka Raghudon

Raghu@hi-lift.biz

Site: http://raghudonspeaks.blogspot.com

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Happy Diwali to all. Diwali is the festival of lights and action. In this lighting (and noise) I thought of writing something weird from what I normally do :=)

About Men and women – Hum/Tum. I am not a professor at this subject and also my knowledge is limited but I learn from others mistakes. So this is a small thesis from me.

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A Dear friend and me were having a talk about men and the kind of women they are with as well as women and the kind of men they are with. My dear friend was a "she" so there was views from both Mars and Venus!

She's a drop dead looker. She has an amazing sense of humour and empathy. She is a real nice person so to speak. But she always had the wrong relationships. I am … well… I AM… and I too have not really found the relationships that sustain and last… so out of the talk, there was a slight semblance to some new logic we could see.

1) There are theories that nice guys finish last. It may be true if the nice guy has NO OTHER qualification. Just being nice will not take him places! Otherwise there are lots of nice guys who may begin slowly but then at the end of the day all around them people ae proud to be associated with them.

2) There are theories that girls always like the jerks and not the nice guys. I think this is because the jerks always believe in the law of averages. They ASK… and they know that there can only be two choices – yes and no… so it's a 50% probability… so worth the chance. By the time the nice guy has made up his mind, the girl already has a swoolen tummy from here first child! Its this indeciciveness that kills his chances.

10 Reasons Women (who aren't Heartless Bitches!) Date Jerks Instead of Nice Guys (source : http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/datejerk.shtml )

a. It's more fun to complain about them to her friends.

b. Guys who actually like her just aren't challenging or exciting.

c. When she does date nice guys, they turn into jerks anyway, so why not save time and go for the jerk in the first place?

d. She won't get as emotionally attached to a jerk, so she'll be more in control.

e. All the other women want them, so they must be worth having.

f. Affection means more when it comes from a guy who doesn't normally give it.

g. Guaranteed to cheat on her so someone else can endure his lack of lovemaking skills most of the time.

h. No need to feel guilty for abusing or deceiving them.

i. Jerks will actually tell her when they don't like what she's doing instead of getting mad about it six months later.

j. She was looking for someone she can't trust, and won't care about too much, who will abuse her mentally and financially, but she didn't know any lawyers.

3) Also what is the frequency with which the nice guys turn into jerks and vice versa? I think sometimes in my life I have acted like a jerk and in hindsight it makes me feel bad… but at other times I was a nie guy. What causes this transformation? Maybe gotta think harder and it's a food for thought after I get replies (of course more brickbats then boquets J )

The Man With No Spine - A parable for "Nice Guys"

There once was a man without a spine.

He was a very likable guy. The advantage of not having a spine was that he could fit himself to anyone, and he frequently did. He could flex this way and that.

But he couldn't stand up ...

...and being kinda mushy and flat most of the time, people often walked on him without realizing he was there.

So he got sad, having this dreadful absence of a spine, and he was resentful too. He wondered why other people couldn't fit themselves to him the way he fit himself to others, but that was silly because he never felt he had the right to ask anyone directly to fit themselves to him. He was formless, what was there to fit to anyway? In cyberspace he talked tough as if he had a spine, but people could clearly see by his rage and resentment that he didn't have one in real life, and he perished in the flame wars he provoked and only came out feeling more ashamed and ineffectual.

He wished he could be with a woman, to help him the way a spine would. If he clung to a woman with a spine, he could stand up, but women didn't like it when he did that. He often called them "bitches" for the women with spines coldly asked him to let go of them, or unceremoniously shrugged him and his issues off onto the ground telling him to get his own spine.

If he fancied a spineless woman, on the other hand, he couldn't get her interest because they were looking for men with spines that they could cling to. But the spineless women would hang around with him for sympathy, and he'd be their platonic male friend and play "therapist" though he was as sick as they were. He'd often call himself a "feminist" and lecture these spineless women how to stand on their own when he had no idea of how to stand for himself.

With all the bending and flopping around he did, a spine never could get a chance to grow.

Then one day he had a brainstorm, he decided he'd make himself a spine.

He took a long stick.... and he put it far up his ass.

It was an improvement, though uncomfortable. It was the first time in his life he could walk tall, if not a bit stiff. He found he could have opinions at odds with others, and stand for them. He found out that he didn't have to be liked, that the world didn't end if he pissed someone off. He didn't want to fit easily with other people anymore, in fact he became inflexible.

People commented on the change, some people didn't particularly like him with the stick up his ass but they did notice him more. Some people felt that at least they could respect him, even if they didn't always like him because he did less whining. At least nobody stepped on him by accident.

However relationships still didn't come easy, it was hard for a woman with a spine to love him with the stick up his ass. He was stiff, cold, brutally opinionated, condescending, and self-righteously hostile. But eventually he did attract a very pretty woman without a spine who saw him as a tower of strength to cling to.

At first he loved this woman, he thought the stick up his ass was the answer to his dating problems. He was finally being loved the way he once loved others. At first it was great, and then it was good, and then it was ok, and then it was uncomfortable, and by the end of a year it was infuriatingly suffocating. The spineless woman clung like a straightjacket. The horror!!! The horror!!!

But the stick up his ass made him so inflexible he didn't know how to get the spineless woman off of him, If only he could bend. He was trapped, upright in his "obligations", "duty to her", "guilt", "pride in his commitment", he spent months with his arms helplessly flapping about trying to get her off of him and trying not to look like he was doing that.

He was hoping that she would leave by hinting her indirectly, he used sarcasic tones, said mean things that were "just a joke", neglect, "constructive" criticism intended to insult. He only made the spineless woman feel more insecure, so she clung HARDER.

Spineless men envied him, called him a jerk for the way he was treating her, just the way he remembered how he used to envy other men before he had the stick up his ass (when he'd play consoler to their teary-eyed spineless girlfreinds). If only they knew what it was like to be on the receiving end of a spineless person's embrace they'd understand. He wished she'd leave him for one of the spineless men who envied him. He felt ashamed for the way he must have made women feel in the past when he was trying to cling to them, he knew that they weren't so evil after all.

One day he decided that there was only one way to be free of the spineless woman once and for all, the stick up his ass had to go.

So he pulled the stick out, and to his amazement a miracle happened: he was still standing! All of the years of inflexibility allowed him the chance to grow a spine. At first he was still a bit stiff but eventually he had the flexibility to contort a bit and yet maintained the firmness to struggle, push, and wriggle from the spineless woman's grasp (though she protested much). He stayed far out of her reach and the reach of other spineless women so that he could never be grasped by one again.

He was overjoyed with his new-found freedom; he could bend sometimes like he used to (but not too far) and also he could stand tall. He went out, partied, enjoyed life to the fullest, and eventually found a woman with a normal spine like his.

They stood together as separate individuals giving mutual support and enjoying time alone too, and lived (relatively) "happily ever after"...

The end :)